it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
