One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
