how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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