Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
