At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
