I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You are the jesus of drinking
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
