On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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