Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
