i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
