Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
