So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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