Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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