Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Sober January is a disaster.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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