She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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