you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
