I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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