Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
