If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
