today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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