i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
