I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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