Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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