dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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