R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
