how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
