i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
