You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
