Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
