theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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