Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
