had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
