Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
