You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
