So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
