Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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