i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
