Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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