even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
