i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
