why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
