...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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