I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
