It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
