I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
