he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
