be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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