So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish i was in the wii world.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
