omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
