Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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