Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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