Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
