I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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