yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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