I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
